


Green Shakes at McDonald's

by SumDumMuffin



Series: Ruby Slippers: Babysitter AU [3]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Age Difference, Babysitter AU, Disability, F/F, M/M, Mathematics, Modern AU, Petty Rivalries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-07 10:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7711045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Babysitter Glynda Goodwitch discovers she has competition as Ruby's favorite babysitter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of babysitting, romance, the correct way to put the apostrophe in McDonald's restaurants, or math. Especially math.
> 
> However, I am trying to be as sensitive as possible about disability. Apologies if I offend, and I welcome any corrections. 
> 
>  
> 
> I also do not endorse the consumption of any sort of food or food-like substance sold at the McDonald's restaurant chain. Use your best judgement when dining anywhere. But especially at McDonald's. 
> 
>  
> 
> So this is divided up into three chapters even though it because:  
> 1; writing shorter chapter segments is easier to write and this has been taking too long to write already,  
> 2; it generates more hits if it appears at the top of the fanfic feeds for multiple days, and I want to popularize Ruby Slippers.  
> So if this feels clunky and incomplete and the chapter breaks seem forced, you're probably right.  
>  
> 
> That does mean, however, that if you're here because of the 'Qrow/Ironwood' tag (do they have a ship name yet?), you'll have to wait until they bump into each other at McDonalds in Ch 2. Sorry. I didn't want to keep that tag out of the fic until chapter 2, though, because that strikes me as misleading people who start reading from the start, and then suddenly there's a secondary pairing. Again, though, sorry for the wait.

 

 

Qrow Branwen leaned back in his office chair. He put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. 

It was the end of the day; the distant window down the hall let in the afternoon sunlight, though most of the time the fluorescent lights and desk lamps were enough to illuminate all the paperwork they had to do. It was Friday; half the staff had gone home early, and they'd cleaned up the engineering bay so there wasn't anything for Qrow to wire up or anything. So Qrow got to waste time at his desk.  

Most of the furniture in the office was kind of cheap looking; the desks had some discreet areas of duct tape and the lamp flickered if he bent the cord the wrong way. 

If someone came in to ask if he was done with his work, he'd just lean forward, open one of his eyes and smirk his trademark smirk and say 'yes.' 

Of course, nobody actually came in to pester him about finishing his work anymore. It made him feel like maybe working so efficiency wasn't quite so worth it. 

But he still held out hope that maybe the cute finance director might pop his head in again. Maybe Qrow would flex his arms and flash a recalcitrant smirk that made big, tough guys want to wipe it off his face.  

Oh well, though. He shouldn’t really be thinking about being popular. Shouldn’t be obsessing about it. Instead, he should just go with the flow and let things happen naturally.

Qrow refreshed his chill. He had a bit of time today; he could use the company internet to download updates on his phone, or send some e-mails or-

Oh! That was right; he had a personal phone call he'd been meaning to make. Better sooner than later, probably.

 Qrow glanced aside and rocked back and forward twice until the person on the other end of the line answered. 

"'ello?" said a woman. 

"Hey sis," Qrow said. He smiled, in reflex.

“Oh, hey Qrow-bro!” They exchanged pleasantries.  

"I -uh," Qrow sat up and straightened his back, "I heard you moved back in with the Roses. Congratulations!"

"Oh, yeah- on probation, though. No problems so far, so I'm keeping myself on my best behavior." 

"Well, it's a good start. And the Facebook says you three are doing this marriage workshop thing together?"

"Yeah, I guess its a marriage camp for polyamorous people. Who don't have to be married, so maybe 'marriage workshop' isn't the right description." 

Qrow smirked a bit. "It's still pretty cool. I'm sure you'll have fun. When was that again?" he asked, for the sake of politeness. He knew when it was.

"That's this weekend, actually. It was real nice of Taiyang to agree to go right when he gets back, since he's heading right out again the next monday." 

"Ah sweet!" Qrow leaned back. "So I guess you'll need a house-sitter. I am definitely available.”

Qrow leaned back and crossed his leg on his desk. He already had a lego set for Ruby and a bear for Yang, and a bag full of goodies. 

"Well, actually," Raven began, apologetically. 

 

 

"WHAT?!?!" Qrow yelled. 

And then, for the first time in forever, someone came in to Qrow’s cubicle to ask what was going on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glynda didn't bother with a suit this weekend; she had a comfortable pair of cargo shorts and a set of t-shirts and her tennis shoes. School had gone by even more slowly than it normally did on a Friday, and Port and Oobleck had even noticed Glynda's jitteryness and apprehension by the lunchbreak, and speculated at the cause all afternoon. Glynda didn't tell them exactly what it was that made her unable to concentrate, and she hoped Ozpin hadn't said anything (he’d smiled insufferably the whole day, though).

So yeah, it’d only been like two weeks, but Glynda had graduated from just babysitting to house-sitting while babysitting, over an entire weekend even, and that was cool. There were some extra responsibilities; making sure the lawn got watered, making sure the kids ate enough to stay conscious, that sort of thing. Glynda had done some quick experiments with cooking these last few days and she felt confident that her cooking was edible. And if not, they'd probably order pizzas or something cool.  That's what cool people did, right? 

Glynda hadn't been to too many slumber parties. Ozpin had hosted a study session that ended up going late enough that they'd all just decided to spend the night, once. It wasn't really a 'party', though, no matter how many times they called it a 'study party', Glynda couldn't imagine that sitting in a circle completing math homework was something people looked forward to. Like, if someone was all, 'hey, there's this cool party I'm going to this weekend,' it would probably involve less math and more, like, party games. (This weekend, Glynda mused, would actually involve a little math.)

But when other wierdos promised a slumber party that was just to hang out and play party games- Glynda didn't really quite see their appeal. Even if she did think it might be cool to spend the night in a cathedral or the school auditorium, she'd turned them all down because she didn't want to spend the night with the kinds of people who did that sort of thing. That might have been some circular logic, she realized. 

But the point was, Glynda had a little bit of perfomance-based apprehension as she drove up to the Rose household after school. After she parked and before she got out of her car, she double-checked her goody bag; some candy and fruit-flavored gummy snacks, the Star Wars edition of Monopoly, a few DVDs of movies she thought Ruby and Yang might like. (Though, a part of her was looking forward to working through Yang's cartoon collection. They'd gotten through a fair amount of shows these last two weeks). Also, an epinephrine injector pen (Ruby and Yang weren't allergic to anything as far as Summer knew, but it helped to be safe), a first-aid kit, a small set of tools and a roll of duck tape, in case they broke anything.

Glynda also checked her personal pouch; extra toiletries (Glynda realized she usually forgot to brush her teeth when she babysat here, so she vowed to fix that tonight), a towel and shampoo, (Ozpin had assured her it wasn't that weird to use someone else's shower. In fact, some families wanted the babysitter to bathe their children, which was, thankfully, something Glynda didn't have to do.), an extra pair of glasses in case she misplaced her normal ones or Yang tried to steal them. Today, she was actually prepared. Hopefully.

And so Glynda knocked on the door and it opened to a familiar young girl, in an oversized red hoodie and black leggings and a big, big smile on her face. 

"Glynda!" said her charge. 

Ruby ran up and gave Glynda’s legs a hug. Glynda smiled and picked up her charge by the armpits, holding her up, arms length, angled a little above Glynda's head. Ruby’s mouth opened in a blissful smile and she held her arms out for a hug. Glynda pulled the girl towards her and leaned into the tightness of little Ruby’s little hug around her neck and shoulders.

And Yang was there, leaned against a wall, one knee bent and her arm under her stump. She smirked knowingly, and Glynda decided she'd be willing to let the older sister's attitude slide, this time.

“Heh. You guys are silly," Yang said. 

“Yeah?” Glynda said. She puffed out her cheek just a bit and reconsidered her decision to let Yang's attitude slide. “Well, _you’re_ silly times the infinite sum of all real and complex numbers from negative infinity to positive infinity, squared.” Glynda closed her eyes and stood up straight. Ruby applauded.

Glynda peaked her right eye open. “And I mean that, each term in the series is squared, and the result of those operations are summed together."

Yang raised an eyebrow. "Is that your final answer?"

Glynda wavered only a moment. “Yes.”

“Well," Yang smirked, "If you add a complex number to a complex number with components of the opposite sign, it sums to zero. Every complex number squared results in another complex number, which by the nature of complex numbers can have either a positive or negative real component. Since each element has a counterpart with the opposite sign, the square of each element has its own counterpart of the opposite sign, meaning the whole series sums to zero." 

Glynda paled, just a bit.

"Babysitter says I'm zero silly, which makes the sane one!" Yang laughed manically. She ran deeper into the house. 

“Glynda,” Ruby lamented, “Why would you say that?”

Glynda sighed in defeat. “I didn’t mean to~”

Ruby chuckled and beckoned her sitter into the living room.

 

 

 

 

They decided upon spending the afternoon nestled on the sofa in front of the living room TV, watching cartoons. Ruby had brought out a selection of cereal, and Glynda decided to try a sugary one she'd seen the commercials before but her parent's refused to buy. Ruby poured Glynda a bowl immediately after the sitter mentioned this fact to her, and Glynda let Ruby spoon the first bit into her mouth. It was only a little awkward. 

And at some point, while they were watching cartoons and eating cereal, there was a knock at the door. 

Glynda blinked, twice. Then she lifted Ruby off her lap and pulled the spoon out of her mouth and set it in the bowl and set the bowl on the coffee table. She patted her shirt and pants free of any errant cereal dust and approached the door. Glynda took a breath and opened the door a crack and peaked out the door.

There was a man with familiar black hair. He wore some loose-fitting black khakis and a formal shirt, sleeves rolled up and half unbuttoned, showing half the logo on the t-shirt he wore under it. He also wore the most shizz-eating-est grin ever. He scratched the back of his head.

"Qrow!" Ruby yelled. She jumped off the couch, out of the blankets, and she ran, arms outstretched, to the door, opening it all the way and hugging the man's legs. 'Qrow' returned the hug and allowed the child to climb into his shoulder. 

"Hey," Qrow said to Glynda. He offered a hand and his grin intensified. "You must be the babysitter I've heard so much about."

Glynda paused only for a moment. She had the impression that she had made a good impression on the Rose's, (wait, Yang had a different last name- eh, she'd worry about it later), so that probably meant Qrow had heard only good things about her. So Glynda dropped her guard a bit. 

"Oh, yes," Glynda took the hand and returned the smile. "And you must be Ruby's father."

The world broke. 

 

 

Yang was the first to recover, cackling wildly from the couch behind them. 

"What makes you say that?" said the man, guardedly, as he shook Glynda's hand twice and released it.  

"Uh," Glynda said, a little less sure now, " You have the same hair color?"

"I think Summer's hair matches Ruby's more closely."

"You have the same eyes?" 

"...No we don't." 

"I-" Glynda took another look. "Huh. I guess I thought you did on first glance-"

Ruby pouted. "You never looked into my eyes, Glynda?" she said.

"I- I mean-"

Ruby leaned over, out of Qrows arms and squished Glynda's cheeks with her palms as she made a face, staring at her, right in the eyes. Ruby had brilliant, silver eyes, Glynda noted; the ripples in the corona (shoot, she used to know the word for those) blending into a darker slate at the edges of the sclera. And right now, like most of the time, Ruby's eyes were wide with an endearing childlike wonder. And, Glynda realized, Ruby was looking into her own eyes as well; what did her eyes seem to suggest? Hopefully nothing bad. 

Glynda looked to the man, and then to Yang, and then back to Ruby. "Aha." she laughed. 

"Ok, that's better now." Ruby let go of Glynda's cheeks. 

Glynda adjusted her glasses; they had been fogging up a little. "I don't think that was entirely necessary."

"But now you know what kind of eyes I have!" Ruby said, excitedly. Then she turned to Qrow. "See, it was very important. Oh! You haven't been introduced- this is Glynda, my favorite babysitter!" 

"Your... favorite?" Qrow said. 

"And Glynda, that's my uncle!" Ruby said, pointing to the man she was literally three centimeters away from.

"Oh! Oh. Okay. It's nice to meet you," Glynda said holding her hand out again, then pulling it back when she remembered they'd already shook hands.  

The man cleared his throat.

"Yes. Uncle Qrow. So just asking, do I really look old enough to be the father of an eight and a half year old girl?" Qrow said.

"Eight and 2731/4380." Yang interjected. 

Glynda glanced him over again. "I guess barely? You're like, what, twenty-three?" 

The man closed his eyes and put his hands on his hips and stood up straight. "Twenty-three and a half." 

"Twenty three and 1559/2196." Yang said. 

Glynda's mouth flattened. "Ok, yeah. I can see how you're Rose's brother." 

Yang cackled maniacally.

"I'm Raven's brother, actually," Qrow said. 

"Oh! Oh. Okay. Sorry." 

"I guess I can understand the confusion," he said, "Ruby, rather than going into medicine or sales or dropping out of college to play guitar in her van-" 

"My mom's in the custodial business now," Yang said. 

Glynda furrowed her brow and turned to Yang. "Wait, really? She wore a business suit to interview for a janitorial position?"

Then Qrow looked to the side and grimaced. "Shoot, I forgot to congratulate her on that-" He snapped his fingers. "Eh, siblings aren't perfect. But anyway- instead of doing any of that, Ruby wants to go into agricultural engineering, like her uncle." 

"Oh, so you're," Glynda pontificated, "Actually, I think I've learned my lesson about assuming things. What was your field?" 

"Mechanical engineering."

"Oh. That's pretty cool. Explains Ruby's obsession with Legos." 

"Glynda's going to go into Physics!" Ruby said. She waved her arms. 

Qrow looked surprised before he caught himself. "Physics?" 

Glynda smirked a bit. "It's just general physics, so far. I'm trying to decide if I want to take the optics or the plasma elective at the college next year."

"Huh. I guess that's cool." Qrow nodded reluctantly. 

"She's on track to be valedictorian next year!" Ruby said. Glynda blushed a little at the adoration. 

Qrow's eyebrows shot up. "Really? So what are you doing babysitting little kids?" 

"Hey! I'm not _that_ little." Ruby pouted. 

"Oh, aha," Glynda waved the air, "The company I was interning for went under," she said, softly, weakly. 

"Wait," Qrow siad, "It's not the - " he coughed, "Well, I'll stop assuming things as well. So Ms. Babysitter, which company did you work for?"

Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side. 

"Cyberdyne."

"Oh!" Qrow laughed accusingly, "So you were hoping to be sniveling quisling in chief to the robot uprising?"

"Noo~," Ruby waved her arms, "Glynda would be an obsequious quisling in chief at the very least!" 

Glynda laughed awkwardly. "Well," Glynda shot back at Qrow, partially out of curiosity but mostly because of this weird feud that had arisen between them, "What company do _you_ work for?"

Qrow lowered his voice a bit. "Monsanto." 

"Oh! Oh!" Glynda said accusingly, "And you're bashing on Cyberdyne? At least  _our_ terminators had uses beyond cheating small farmers out of their income."

"Look, I'm sure we could repeat vaguely remembered arguments from our respective company's legal departments, but I actually work on the harvesters, so I have nothing to do with the biological patents at my company."

"And  _I_ worked on plasma coils, so _I_ had nothing to do with the AI fiasco that got the government to freeze my last paycheck."

Ruby waved her arms between them. "Don't fight! Both of what you do is cool!" 

Glynda and Qrow stopped and then muttered apologies and then went silent. 

Ruby tapped Glynda's shoulder the next time she was in reach. "But plasma coils are so cool, Glynda! You never told me you worked on those!" Ruby said.

Qrow bit his cheek. Glynda smirked triumphantly.  

 

 

 

Then they all walked into the living room proper. Ruby had jumped out of her uncle's arms at this point and had resumed eating cereal. 

"Hey Qrow!" Yang waved her stump, "How's Zwei?" 

Qrow slapped his forehead. "Ah shoot! He's good- He's healed enough that he could have visited, sorry I forgot." 

Glynda blinked. She wondered if there was a good time to ask who Zwei was. 

"It's cool. I'm glad your roommate likes him." Yang said, "So how was work?"

Qrow waved the air. "Alright, so this morning, I had to go to Autozone to buy some fuses, and I saw there was a stand with a  _Frozen_  logo on it. Pretty sure it was antifreeze." 

"Noooooo~" Ruby said. 

"Yeah, tell us a story that doesn't suck," Yang said.

"Actually, we were watching cartoons," Glynda gestured towards the paused television. On the screen, a bear was in the middle of opening its mouth. 

"Well, if you're tired of that," Qrow hefted his bag, "I got you another lego set, Ruby. And a bear for Yang." 

"Wooo." Yang lethargically pumped her fist. 

"Well, if you _are_ tired of cartoons, I brought a board game." Glynda said, "Star Wars monopoly." 

"Yay, Star wars!" Ruby said. Yang sat more upright on the couch. 

"You know it's not _actually_  Star Wars, it's just the normal game with different pictures." Qrow tried to say. He was ignored, and Glynda tried not to focus on how good that made her feel. 

 Glynda saw she had the advantage though. She smirked and opened her bag."And if you're hungry," Glynda said, "I brought some candy."  

Ruby and Yang jumped around Glynda like she was some sort of maypole, flailing their arms in the air. "Candy! Candy! Candy!" they chanted as they waved their arms. 

" _I_ brought homemade cookies," Qrow said. He hefted his own bag. 

Ruby and Yang paused for a moment to share an exuberant look. Then they ran to Qrow and started jumping around him, like he was a maypole, arms flailing. "Cookies! Cookies! Cookies!" they chanted in unison. 

"Well-" Glynda rummaged through her pack, "I brought some fruits snacks and a coupon for pizza-"

Ruby and Yang started bounding around Glynda, now. "Pizza! Pizza!" they chanted, the warbling, echoing intonations of hungry children. 

"If you're really hungry and want actual food," Qrow said, "I could treat you to Mcdonalds. They have green shakes there this time of year." 

Glynda was going to say something about Mcdonalds not being real food, but Ruby and Yang had stopped completely and were entirely silent, frozen in mid-pose.

Then they starting running in circles around Qrow, chanting the loudest they had ever chanted. "Mcdonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!" they chanted in hideous unison to the pallid accompaniment of unknown winds. 

"Oh," Glynda sighed in defeat. "I- I guess if you want to go to McDonald's, then you shouldn't let me keep you-"

"Glynda!" Ruby ran up and grabbed one of Glynda's hands in both her own, "C'mon! You'll love the green shakes there," Ruby turned to her uncle, "Right Qrow? Can Glynda come with us?"

Qrow coughed. "Yeah. I mean, I wasn't just going to leave the babysitter behind, aha," he said nervously. 

"Yay! So c'mon Glynda!" Ruby said. She was now leaned at 45 degrees from the ground, pulling on Glynda's arm with all her weight. "Green shakes!" 

"Green Shakes! Green Shakes!" Yang chanted in the distance. 

Glynda smiled. "Okay." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where they go to Mcdonald's, have Green Shakes, and Qrow gets to flirt with James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guarantee no expertise or even basic, correct knowledge of Mcdonald's chain restaurant's menu, FDA health and safety policies, Parkinson's disease, cars, color psychology, nutritional requirements, romance, dating, how adult men flirt, babysitting, or petty rivalries. 
> 
> However, I am trying to be as respectful as possible in regards to disability. I welcome any corrections, if anyone has any insights. 
> 
> I understand that mint shakes have been out of season at Mcdonald's for half a year now. I am a slow writer.

The children chanted and danced as they dressed to their outdoor clothes, which mostly just added shoes and jackets to their normal attire. 

Glynda stepped into her sneakers, not bothering to untie them. She hopped on one foot and bent her right knee to fix the tongue on her right shoe (her left shoe could deal with it), and she followed the chanting, jumping children into the driveway. 

 

 

Qrow's car was a 2015 Subaru Impreza, and it looked well kept. The windows looked newly washed and there wasn't any visible clutter seen in the windows (Glynda suddenly became very self-conscious of the state or her own car).

Qrow pulled out his keys and unlocked the car. He turned to the younger of his nieces.

"Ruby, did you want to ride shotgun?" 

"Green shak- no, that's okay. I want to ride in back with Glynda!" Ruby skipped over to Glynda and smiled up at the babysitter. Glynda rubbed her head.

Qrow's nose twitched, just slightly. "but- you always like to sit up front. That’s why I keep a carseat in the trunk." 

"I'm too big for a carseat now." Ruby pouted. Then she scrunched her face, just a bit, looking quizzical. She turned to Yang. “Why don’t you ask Yang? She never gets to ride shotgun?"

“I-” Qrow furrowed his brow. “is that right? I swore she's rode up front before...”

Yang scrunched her mouth and shrugged. “Yeah, I never sit shotgun with you. Or with Summer." 

“Oh. Ok. Yang,” Qrow turned to his niece and smiled, “Would you like to ride shotgun?”

Yang stifled a smile. She waved the air. “If you want me to. Sure.”

Qrow beckoned Yang over to the front of the car. For just a moment which Yang probably thought went entirely unnoticed, her face widened into a massive smile as she silently giggled, shaking her wrist and jumping on her toes, slightly, once.

 

 

Ruby held the door open for Glynda, which the sitter accepted with a smile and a flourish of her hand and a later wish that she had thought of something clever to say. Ruby then ran around to climb into the car on the other side. 

Aftwr Ruby nestled into the seat next to Glynda, she turned to the sitter and held her hands about. “Glynda, can you put my seatbelt on for me?”

“Umm” Glynda protested, but started doing so anyway, “Surely you've put your seatbelt on before?"  

“Yeah, but grown-ups do it better, and I want to be safe!”

“She’s still just a teenager,” Qrow mumbled under his breath.

"Well then," Glynda pulled the seatbelt over Ruby's waist and shoulder, nice and sturdy. The babysitter sat up straight. "As the babysitter it's my job to ensure the safety of my charges."

Ruby beamed. Glynda smiled back. Then she caught Qrow's look, and chuckled nervously.

Glynda then checked Yang's seatbelt. 'Checked' may have been to strong a word, because other than making sure it was buckled, this 'checking' thing seemed a little redundant. 

But Yang approved the approval. Then the car jolted onto the roadways. 

 

 

 

During the ride. Yang and Ruby resumed chanting their strange recitations to viridescent sugary liquid-solid hybrid matter.

“So, uh,” Glynda ventured, “ I guess you’re really fond of Irish mint shakes?

"Green- Yeah!" Ruby said, smiling. "Green shakes! Green shakes!"

"Umm," Glynda turned to everyone in the car. “So is there a special reason you like them? Like there was a special occasion when you've had them that makes them special to you?"

"They’re green!” Ruby explained.

Glynda blinked. “Is that it?"

“Yeah!" Ruby nodded three times, "Green is the tastiest color, but only on desserts.”

“I disagree,” Yang said, “But green connotes a specific dessert experience, like how yellow can be lemon-y on donuts and cake but be mango-y on smoothies."

“Or like how orange is the most dangerous color on clothes!" 

“Like how red is the tastiest color, on meat.” Yang said.

“Or how purple is the royalist color!" Ruby said.

"Or how grey is the plainest color."

"Or how pink is the babiest color!" 

“Or how blue is the warmest color."

"Or how heliotrope is the color most associated with emotional equilibrium."

"Oh okay," Glynda said, "wait-"

Ruby and Yang continued about color psychology for a while. Glynda nodded along. 

 

 

 

 

 

They arrived at the Mcdonald's. The door had the giant golden 'M' above it. On one side was a large adjacent glass complex that housed a signature Mcdonald's brand playpen, reflecting the midafternoon light onto the well-kept parking-lot pavement. 

Ruby and Yang jumped out of the car as soon as it parked, and they ran around the car and then Qrow when he excited the car and then both Qrow and Glynda once the babysitter scootched out of the vehicle. 

They entered the eatery. It was a Mcdonald’s; red and tan tiled walls and booths and fleureacent lighting and ketchup spills on the floor.

"Green shakes! Green shakes! Green shakes!" chanted the children. 

There wasn't a line for the register, so Qrow walked up, ending up far enough away that Ruby and Yang could comfortably circle him without bumpingt into the counter. 

"So can I have," Qrow said to the screens above the register.  "Lets just go with four happy meals-"

"Green shakes! Green shakes!" 

Qrow tapped his chin. "Another two large fries and a chicken nugget box-"

"Green shakes! Green shakes!"

"And four large Irish mint shakes," Qrow finished. 

"Green shakes!" the children concluded. 

"uhhh," said the clerk, figeting nervously, " We're actually out of the syrup for our Shamrock Shakes(tm). Sorry." 

And the world went silent. The air froze in apprehension.

 

 

"What?" said Yang, the hope gone from her voice.

"Uhhh, we have vanilla shakes-"

"Are they green?" asked Yang. 

"uhhh, no."

"Then no deal!" Yang said. She tucked her arm under her stump and frowned.

"They're out of syrup." Ruby said to the floor, looking like she just got rejected from college or if some other apocalyse had occured.

Glynda's heart involuntarily ached at the absurd profundity of how sad Ruby and Yang looked. The babysitter bit her fist and blinked the beginnings of tears out of her eyes.

The clerk grinned awkwardly and ducked a little. "You know, Arby's has some really good mint shakes."

Glynda turned to her eating group, "There's an Arby's like two blocks from here."

There was a voice from behind the fryers. "New kid," said the manager, "Are you telling our customers to go somewhere els- Oh hey Glynda." 

The manager tucked a strand of wavy black hair behind her ear and flashed an obnoxious smile at Glynda.

Glynda straightened her posture and flattened her expression. "Cinder." 

Cinder smirked and tucked the rest of her loose hair behind her ear. She eyed the children. "Cute family, Glynders. Sorry we're out of irish mint sy-"

Glynda made a face. "Do I really look old enough to have a ten and a half year old daughter?”

"Ten and <legitimate math>"

Cinder chuckled. "I had meant family as in 'siblings', but wow, who knew that prim and proper Goody-two-shoes-witch managed to get pregnant twice before her junior year of high school.”

Glynda bit her cheek. Ruby's mouth wobbled. Yang laughed. 

"And with some sort of unshaved hipster indie-band-looking doodbag." Cinder gestured to Qrow. "Not bad-"  

"What?" Qrow backed up.  "Oh no. No no no no no no. Not even."

"No way no no no no-" Glynda declared. 

"Nooooooooooo!" Ruby said. She waved her arms around in distress.

Qrow and Glynda shared a smirk. "Glad we're all on the same page," one of them said. They both nodded. Ruby sighed in what sounded like relief.

Cinder almost rid herself of a very unprofessional lopsided grin by the time Glynda turned back to her.

"As I was saying," Cinder said, "We do have different desserts I'm sure you'll like. Would you like a strawberry-banana or a mango-pineapple smoothie instead?"

Yang refreshed her pout. "Are they green?" 

Cinder scrunched her mouth. "They are not."

"Then no deal." Yang pouted harder.

"We have apple pies. They used to be green, before they became pies." 

"Then I guess we used to have a deal." 

Cinder refreshed her obsequious food technician smile. "We also sell apples. Some of the are Granny Smith apples, which are green."

"Apples aren't desserts."

“Did you want to go somewhere else?” Qrow asked. 

“Nowhere else has a playpen.” Ruby intoned. “Oh well. I guess this Mcdonaldy trip will just be less special than we wanted.”

Ruby and Yang let out identical, exhaggerated, despondant sighs.

Glynda’s mouth wobbled before she caught herself and before she herself sighed a defeated sigh.

Glynda knelt down and unstrung her shoestrings. Her right foot had managed to slip in just fine when she put on her shoes before they left but her left heel had a slight misalignment. She looped her hands around all four shoestrings and pulled up to her knees. Then Glynda tied her shoes, for real this time, and then she double-knotted them. "Again, there's an Arby's not too far from here. I can run and grab some shakes." 

“What’s McDonald’s policy on outside food?” Qrow asked Cinder.

“As long as you order something here, you can use our dining facilities." Cinder said. She frowned as she spoke though, but only slightly. “Again, apologies for the inconvenience-"

Glynda didn’t stay to listen to the corporate syncophant. She bolted out the door fast enough to regret not stretching before hand.

And ten minutes and $12.91 later, Glynda returned with four Mint Chocolate Swirl shakes in a cardboard container for easy transport.

Glynda rushed into the restaurant and regretted not taking a moment to catch her breath and compose herself before she kicked open the door, because she had to double over for three breaths. It probably looked less heroic than she would have liked.

But it got Ruby and Yang’s attention. The children’s faces lit up and they sidled out of their booth as fast as they could and ran up to Glynda, running around her in circles.

“Green Shakes! Green Shakes!” they chanted in unison, resuming the hideous ritual.

“They’re so green!” Yang said.

“They’re so shakey!” Ruby said.

Ruby and Yang bounded in circles around Glynda.

“Yay! Glynda, you saved the day!” Ruby said. She then hugged Glynda's right leg.

"Oh," Glynda said between breaths. She smiled awkwardly and tried to believe in her own heroism. "You bet I did."

Then Glynda cleared her throat  “Okay, so which ones did you want?” she said.

Ruby broke off her hug and Yang stopped running around. Ruby turned to Yang and gave her the first pick.

“Gimmie,” Yang said, “The shakiest one.”

Glynda blinked. “Ok, yeah. Um. Which one’s the shakiest one?”

Qrow had caught up to his nieces by now. “Well, first compile a list of all qualities that describe a ‘shake’, and then develop a test protocol to determine how well each quality is represented in each sample."

“And then run the test 40 times across different samples, and compile a gausse curve based on an aggregate of the data,” Yang said.

“And whichever shake is rightmost on the curve, that’s the shakiest,” Ruby said.

Glynda blinked. “Wait, for reals?”

“Yeah, that’s how bell curves work,” Ruby said.

Qrow smirked. “Didn’t you take statistics?"

“I did, yes, but I meant, do you _actually_ only want the shake that is, demonstrably and empirically, the shakiest, Yang?”

“Yes!” Yang smiled her biggest smile.

Glynda looked over the four chocolate mint swirl shakes.

The shake on the top left was a cold and viscous milk-based blended dessert, with whipped cream and chocolate syrup and sprinklings of chocolate pieces crumbled on top.

The shake on the top right was a milk-based and blended cold viscous dessert, with chocolate syrup and whipped cream and pieces of chocolate crumbling sprinkled on top.

The shake on the bottom left was a blended and cold viscous milk-based dessert, on top of which was chocolate syrup and whipped cream and sprinklings of crumbled chocolate pieces.

The shake on the bottom right was a blended and milk-based viscous cold dessert, with chocolate crumbled sprinkle pieces on top of whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

Glynda scrunched her mouth. She picked the bottom left shake and shook it up.

“There. Definition 2: shaking it makes it more shakey. Here you go, Yang.”

Yang’s face lit up and she took the shake. “Yay! Thanks, Glynda.” She stuck the straw in her mouth and closed her eyes and slurped a big slurp, rising up on her tiptoes as she did. She swallowed and looked content.

Glynda turned to Ruby, who didn’t wait to be asked which one she wanted. “I want the greenest one!” Ruby said. She looked to her sister. “Of the ones that remain, I mean.”

Glynda pulled out her phone and downloaded a chromatography app. Cinder smirked insufferably when Glynda leaned over to ask the wifi password.

After running the test, Glynda gave the top left shake to Ruby. It was, according to science, the greenest one.

“Yay! Thanks, Glynda!” Ruby said, eyes wide and little hands clasped triumphantly before she reached out to grab both sides of the shake.

Glynda took the top right shake and handed it to Qrow. “Unless you want to make some irrelevant request?

‘Well actually-"

“Too bad, you’re an adult.”

“I was just going to say thank you, for getting these shakes.” Qrow looked down to his nieces. “Sorry, I meant 'Yay, Thanks Glynda!'."

Glynda's expression flattened.

Qrow coughed. "But for seriously, thank you. For Ruby and Yang’s sake.”

“Oh. Yes. For the children’s sake. Of course. You're welcome.” Glynda clamped her mouth down on the straw of the remaining shake.

 

 

 

And so they ate. There was some nice small talk and then Ruby and Yang started dueling with their french fries. 

 

 

And at some point, a ding and a shuffle marked that two new people entered the Mcdonald's. Glynda saw them tepidly approach the counter from the corner of her eye. She didn’t pay any attention to them, until she noticed that Qrow was staring, unblinking, at the arrivals.

“Something up?” Glynda asked idly.

"OH? N-nothing. Not at all.” Qrow then became very focused on dipping one of his french fries in ketchup.

Glynda then turned around to see what was up- it had to be the new customers, right? That was the only thing that had happened.

One of the arrivals was a stern, stocky middle-aged man- someone with had some tufts of grey at his temples. That didn't necessarily mean he was old, but it meant he was either old or was under a lot of stress. He pushed a wheelchair with a young, orange-headed girl in it. 

“Who’s he?” Glynda asked, idly. Yang and Ruby looked between themselves.

“Who's who?” Qrow said, to the wall. His voice almost squeaked.

Yang grinned mischeviously. “Is that the guy from your work you have a crush on?” she said.

Glynda paused eating her fries.

Qrow was-

Well, Raven was- and there wasn't anything wrong with that, of course- and didn't she read somewhere that it was genetic?

Glynda shrugged and resumed eating. 

Qrows' mouth flattened. He rubbed Yang's head. “It's possible I tell you entirely too much.” He inhaled and exhaled. “But yes. That’s James.”

“You should talk to him.”

“No~”

“Do it!” squeaked Ruby. She held her arms in the air theatrically. “Believe in yourself!”

Qrow sunk his head into his shoulders. “Hey, keep it down, will ya~

“Do it! Do it!” Yang started chanting.

"I really shouldn't-" 

“Do it! Do it!” Ruby joined in as well.

“Okay, okay,” Qrow said, “Just stop making a commotion." 

Qrow snuck out of the booth and put his hands behind his back and awkwardly sidled up to stand in line behind the man and the girl.

Yang got out of the booth and followed him.

Then Ruby followed Yang.

Ruby turned back and beckoned to Glynda. Glynda sighed internally and followed her charge. 

So now the line had six people, single file. 

Qrow wasn’t saying anything. Yang was looking between the back of Qrow’s head and Ruby and the girl in the wheelchair, and Ruby was looking between Glynda and Qrow, and the man and the girl in the wheelchair tried to make up their minds on what to order. 

“So I admit I don't come here very often,” said the man to the girl. 

“Oh,” said the girl to the man, “I thought this was what normal people did?" 

“It's one of the most popular fast food places, yeah." The man nodded. "It's totally normal for people to eat here. I just meant to say, I am not normal in this way." 

“Oh okay." Said the girl. “Well, we get to be normal now."

The man chuckled twice.”Yes we do. So does anything look good? Let me know; it'll help me make up my mind."

“Ummm,” The girl brought a hand to her mouth. “They have, like, sandwiches, right? I should pick the best sandwich." 

“There’s pictures of some of the food. We could try the ‘Big Mac’. It has a very large picture." 

The girl nodded sagely.  “I remember the commercials for those." 

The man and the girl talked for a while more. Cinder the food service technician was standing patiently behind the register, smiling her corporate smile, waiting for the two of them to come forward with an order. Qrow still didn't say anything; he stood up straight, with his hands behind his back.

Glynda opened her mouth on but then Yang turned to her, with a pointer finger vertically across her lips. Glynda clamped her mouth shut and nodded. 

Cinder asked the pair if she could help them with their order. Then the man and the girl tried to categorically determine how positively correlated popularity was to excellence, and if in a situation where every experience was commoditized, if there actually was a meaningful choice between a popular but impersonal choice and a unique choice with a higher chance of being sub-optimal. Robert Frost was quoted at some point.  

Yang then kicked Qrow's shin. 

Qrow cleared his throat. “I always say, you can't go wrong with a happy meal,” he said. "I mean, you can, but there's an option to get chicken nuggets, and they're pretty good."

The man turned around and raised his eyebrows in surprise, or perhaps delight. “Oh, Mr. Branwen.” The man held out his left hand. “Fancy bumping into you here."

Qrow took the hand and shook once and then rubbed the back of his head and smirked at the wall. “Yeah...."

“We’re not in line,” the man said to the four of them, "feel free to go ahead and order."

"Oh, we're not in line either." Qrow said.

"Oh. Okay." the man said.  

There was some awkward silence.

Yang then leaned out of the line. “Hey Penny!” Yang said. She waved her stump.

Qrow's mouth scrunched to the side, just for a moment. 

“Oh, hey..." the girl said. The man turned her wheelchair around, so she wasn't turning her head so rigidly. "...you...” the girl said. She then brought her hand up and slowly moved it in an air-waving motion. “I mean, I remember you, I just forgot your name."

 "Yang," said the owner of that name. She held out her left hand.

The girl and Yang shook hands.

“I met Penny in the support group, back when I still went,” Yang said, looking to Qrow and Ruby and Glynda. Yang then turned to the man. “Hey mister, I like your arm!” Yang held out her stump to shake the mans hand.

“Oh. Huh. Would you look at that.” the man took Yang’s limb with his right hand, this time, and Glynda realized it was a prosthetic. A very fancy looking prosthetic, with wires running along the visible parts and rubber gripping suraces on the fingertips. Three aluminum and plastic digits closed around Yang’s stump. “It’s nice to meet you again, Yang.”

"Yeah, and you work with Qrow?" Yang gestured to a now slightly red agricultural engineer, "He's the best!"

“Yeah, he’s really smart and can run the fastest!” Ruby added. 

“Ahahaha,” Qrow put a hand on a shoulder of each his niece's and made to lead them away, ”We’ll be right in our booth."

“Come sit with us!” Yang said to Penny,

"Oh- Uh, okay," Penny turned to the man, "I just have to figure out what I need to order."

“Wait,” Yang said. She stopped, and Qrow didn't push her forward. Yang rubbed her chin with her sole hand, “Is Mcdonald's good for people on Parkinsons' medication?”

“u-umm-” Penny began.

“Of course,” Cinder said. She smiled a corporate smile and pontificated mechanically. “Mcdonald’s restaurants is committed to the nutritional health of all our customers and we are dedicated to catering to a diverse and inclusive consumer base. Our restaurants regularly score perfect scores on our annual FDA inspections.”

Yang tucked her left arm under her right armpit and jutted her chin out. “Hygienic facilities don't imply healthy food; that's obfuscating the issue. Mighty suspicious.”

Cinder refreshed her fast food smile. “My apologies. I thought you were asking about risks of contamination.“ Cinder pontificated. "All food served at Mcdonald's restaurants is up to FDA standards and codes regarding heath and safety." 

“Wasn’t there a movie about a guy gaining 200 pounds on a diet exclusively of Mcdonald’s?”

“And I think that movie's results were not reproducible with independent trails. Besides, weight is a function of calorie intake. You can gain weight on a vegan diet if you eat to much, you know.”

“But why do more people get fat off Mcdonald's than on vegetables?”

“Can you blame our food for being so good that people want to eat too much of it? Furthermore, thinness is not equivalent to health and health is not equivalent to virtue. You shouldn't cast aspersions on someone just because they're fat.”

“You _can_  asperse your _food_ for containing minimal nutrition and having too much sugar and fat, requiring customers to eat more empty calories to reach their minimum nutrient levels. You're basically just forcing people to eat too much salt, fat, and sugar." 

“That is a false equivalency; Everyone eats food, and there’s no food that’s completely nutritional. We encourage our customers to eat balanced meals but it is not our fault if they do not.”

“Aha!” Yang pointed and smirked a grin reminiscent of her Uncle’s, “You admit that Mcdonald's isn't nutritional!" 

Cinder smiled and bowed slightly. “I do believe I mentioned that _no_ food is completely balanced. For example, chicken contains no vitamin C-" 

“So they get scurvy?” Glynda interjected.

Ruby tugged on Glynda's shirt. “Or maybe they’re immune to scurvy, because they don’t need vitamin C?"

“Then they’d make the perfect pirates.”

“Chicken pirates! Are they more cowardly than regular pirates?"

“Maybe, but they are surely more delicious than regular pirates." 

Ruby jumped on her tip-toes and waved her arms. "I think you're right!"

Glynda smirked. "Of course I am." 

"Are you done?" Cinder said. Her brow furrowed as much as the corporation regulations allowed her to, while she was in front of customers, "I'm trying to take an order here." 

“I was trying to defuse the argument.” Glynda mumbled to the ground. 

Yang pouted. "Well I'd be winning if she didn't keep spinning the issue."

“Young lady," Cinder refreshed her corporate smile, "I've taught Sunday school for years. I can spin this issue any which way, all day, every day.”

Ruby chuckled. “You’re funny, lady.” she said. 

“No she’s not.” Glynda said. She puffed out her cheek and crossed her arms.

“And, umm,” Penny said, “I’m not on Sinemet anymore, I got the chip.” Penny tapped the base of her spine. "So I don't need to watch what I eat." 

Glynda decided against nitpicking that statement. 

Yang blinked. "Oh, okay then. Ignore this conversation." 

There was some more awkward silence. 

Qrow then laughed nervously twice and led Yang away to their seats. After he was out of sight from the pair he made an exasperated face. 

 

 

 

Glynda and her ... patron family? Her charges and their uncle returned to their booth. And a few minutes later, the man and the girl approached them, presumably to have company while they waited for their food. Qrow and Yang moved a few chairs to accommodate the wheelchair.

“So, umm,” Glynda said. She held out a hand. “I’m Glynda Goodwitch. The babysitter." 

The man smiled the most authentic corporate smile Glynda had seen today. "James Ironwood. I'm the finance director at the local Monsanto plant." 

And it turned out that Glynda held out her right hand, so Mr. Ironwood had to shake with his prosthetic one. It was plastic and metal and rubber and rudimentary motors. Three actuators whirred to life during the shake.  

Glynda stopped herself from staring. "Cool," she said as she made mature eye contact. Glynda wondered if she should take this opportunity to network. Then she remembered there was a second person she had to introduce herself to. 

"I'm Penny," said the girl in the wheelchair, once Glynda got around to holding out her hand in introduction. 

"Okay, cool. Yeah." Glynda nodded and wondered what she should say next. 

However, before her silence got too awkward, Ruby interrupted. 

Ruby's eyes were wide with wonder.  “So you have a computer chip in your head?" She sked Penny.

Glynda almost choked on her fries. Some of the chewed food almost went up her nose.

"Technically it's just an electrode  _in_ my head, but there's an external microchip." Penny turned her head and pointed to her hair accessory, which, on close inspection, concealed some contraption of wires and metal. 

"It's an experimental procedure," Mr. Ironwood explained. 

“So you’re like a cyborg?" Ruby said. Her eyes widened even more. "That's so cool!" 

Penny turned to the wall and rubbed the back of her head. "Oh. Uh, thanks." 

Yang elbowed her uncle, and Qrow then leaned over and held out his own hand. To Mr. ironwood. 

"Hello, again," James lilted. "I think we've met before." 

Qrow's face relaxed into an insufferable smirk. "Yeah, you seem a little familiar." 

James cleared his throat. "So this is my daughter, Penny." he gestured to the ~~cyborg~~ orange-haired girl.

"Qrow Branwen. I work under the same ceiling and drink the same coffee as your father," Qrow said. He ran some fingers through his hair.  “I was unaware that James had a daughter,” Qrow pontificated. “Your mother is a very lucky woman." 

“Oh, uh,” James rubbed the back of his head with his prosthetic head. “Ahem.” He cleared his throat. “I'm not married, actually. I adopted Penny after we met at a biotech conference out east." James turned to Penny and gestured for her to continued if she wanted to. "

Penny wobbled her mouth for a moment. "I didn't have a family so I figured, why not volunteer for those medical procedures in the papers? And then I met all these nice people who knew what I was going through. It was nice." 

And James scrunched his mouth to the side, "And I figured, hey, why don't I try to give a child a better life? Even if it's only a difference for a single person, it'd be worth it." 

“Awww,” Qrow said, sounding the most sincere as Glynda had ever heard him (which, admittedly, was only a few hours.). “That was very sweet of you.”

Glynda agreed, but only non-verbally. She blinked a couple times to crush the inklings of crying in the corners of her eyes. She didn't want to show weakness in front of her charges. 

James’s cheeks tinted just a bit as he nodded in an a way that attempted stoicness. “Thank you.”

Glynda was, guiltily, a little happy that nobody else seemed to know what to say to fill the awkward silence either. 

Well, except Yang, apparently. 

After a few moments and a few glances to everyone else at the table, Yang waved a fry around and got Mr. Ironwood's attention. “So biotech conference. Is that where you got your cyborg arm? Can I see it?” Yang said.

James pulled his right arm out. He pulled his sleeve to reveal more pieces of metal and wire. “The elbow joint’s not very sophisticated, but the fingers are wired up to some muscle sensors, so I can grasp things when I'm not feeling left-handed."

Ruby wiggled the fingers on her own left hand.

“Electrodes? Can I see?” Yang’s eyes flickered to Qrow for just a moment.

James rolled up his sleeve a bit more. The prosthetic ended just above the elbow, in a steel cage around the stump of his bicep, with a few clear plastic suction cups around several muscles groups that seemed signifigant.  There was a gearbox where his elbow would have been. Yang reached out and touched the metal.  

“Woah!” Yang turned to her uncle. “Qrow, come feel this.

Qrow’s eyebrows rose just a bit as he leaned forward. “Can I? If you're a private man, that's okay, though."

“Uhhh,” James said, He cleared his throat. “Not at all. Feel free, if you’d like to.”

Qrow licked some french-fry salt off the tips of his fingers and wiped them on a napkin. He traded places with Yang in a surprisingly coordinated do-ci-do. 

Qrow looked at James's eyes for a moment and smirked with a quick exhale through the corner of his mouth. He ran his hand along the aluminum bars that made up Jame's forearm. He touched the tip of the graspers with the tips of his own fingers, and then ran his hand back along the forearm bars up to the muscle tensions sensors. Qrow hovered his fingertips over the fleshy part of Jame's arm, and then looked up at the man's face for approval before tracing the skin around the sensors.

Yang then turned to Penny. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in school this year." 

“I've had to be homeschooled for a bit. I'd like to come back, if I get the nerve to." 

Yang smiled. "You should! We can hang out at recess." 

Glynda then unflattened her expression and turned back to Ruby. She leaned in conspiratorially. 

"So I'm gonna be honest," Glynda whispered, "I have no idea how to talk to the crush of the uncle of the girl I'm babysitting and his adopted daughter. So I'm glad they're occupied with Qrow and Yang."

Ruby then smiled her biggest smile. "That's okay!" She whispered a little loudly, Glynda thought. "You can just talk to me! Like, what do you think chicken pirates eat when they're out at sea?"

So they discussed the logistics of chicken pirates some more.

At some point Yang leaned over to whisper something into her sister's ear. Ruby lit up and stood up in the booth and leaned over to her sitter. 

"Hey hey Glynda," Ruby said. "if you were a pirate, would you put your parrot on  _this_  side," Ruby patted Glynda's shoulder which was closest to her. Ruby then reached over, extending her little arm around the back of Glynda's neck to reach the far shoulder, "or  _this_ side?" 

Glynda had to think about the answer to that question. 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to pretend I'm qualified to talk about this. This is the short version. If you find a medical source with differing information, trust _that_ information. Apologies to any readers with PD who don't see their experiences accurately represented here. 
> 
> Parkinson's Disease is a neurological muscle tremor disorder. Patients can take medication to calm their neurons, but there's also a procedure called Deep Brain Stimulation where an electrode in the brain regulates neurological activity. It's sort of like a pacemaker. The procedure has been around for decades, but early versions were crude and became less effective over time; most patients who elected for the operation had to return to supplementary medication at some point. However, modern versions are being worked on that incorporate computer magic to make the procedure more effective. 
> 
> Thus, Penny's tremors are under control enough that she is able to walk, but she prefers to only do it in short bursts, hence the wheelchair, and she's not on medication at the moment but, like most people who've done DBS, might need to resume it in the future.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruby learns more about Glynda. Qrow and Glynda resolve their rivalry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That 'petty rivalries' tag is up there for a reason. 
> 
>  
> 
> There's quite a few pop culture references in this one, but the first two fics in this series had what were basically lists of pop culture, so I think it should be fine. Also, many conversations I've noticed in real life revolve around pop culture references, so I don't think this is too much a stretch.
> 
> Also, I do appreciate the corrections on the math, for when it's not correct. I'm going to handwave previous math inconsistencies as the characters themselves being wrong.
> 
> EDIT: Oh, also, the opinions of the characters here do not represent the view of the author, or even, necessarily, healthy or correct viewpoints. Odds are, your opinions are good enough for you, and if fictional characters disagree with you, just let it go.

Ruby kept her arm around Glynda's shoulder as the babysitter thought about which shoulder she'd keep her parrot on, if she were a pirate.  Later on, Glynda would realize she probably took way too long, because Ruby was just standing there awkardly, and Qrow was shooting them looks. 

"I'm right handed," Glynda thought outloud, "So maybe I should keep the parrot on my left shoulder, so it won't get shaken too much when use stab people with my cutlass. " Glynda mimed a stabbing motion. 

Ruby glanced at Yang, real quick. Yang shrugged. 

Ruby turned back to Glynda. "Okay, cool!" Ruby said. She climbed back down to her seat. 

 

 

 

And when the - shoot, what was their last name?- when James's and Penny's food arrived, Penny and her father had a brief whispered conversation. Then Penny stood up out of the wheelchair, a little shakily. Her father followed her, ready to catch her or something; he held his hands out, palms up, following Penny the whole trip, but Penny didn't stumble or fall as she retrieved the tray of food, even if her gait was a bit deliberate.

The four of them themselves were almost done with their food- there were just a few McNuggets left and Glynda was going to let the children finish those off- so Glynda gathered them up and looked over the rest of the mess they'd made.

"You haven't touched your toys," Qrow said, at some point. 

Glynda hadn't intended to say anything about those. 

Ruby folded her arms. "Happy meal toys are for babies. Or, possibly, unemployed college-age men." 

Yang stuck her hand into her opposite armpit. "Yeah!" 

"Oh really?" James said, "I thought ponies were a little girl thing." 

Yang tucked her hand under her stump. "Not anymore, they're not."

Glynda kept her mouth shut. She tried to make some nonchalant expressions as she looked around the table and the room Qrow also seemed to be making a similar expression, when she made eye contact with him when her gaze was roaming, but Qrow refreshed his smile and opened one of the pony toys and set it on the table.

"I think I'll give this one a drink of water," Qrow pushed his cup towards the pony, "Because it seems to be a little _hoarse."_  

Glynda groaned internally. 

And when she looked around, she saw that Yang and Penny and James were chuckling, and you know what, whatever, but it also turned out Ruby was laughing, and, upon that realization, Glynda suddenly had this really,  _really_  strong desire to come up with a joke that was better than that (maybe about pirate chickens?), and to tell it to Ruby, and for it to make Ruby laugh. And, Glynda's cheeks were hot and her hands seemed to want to clench, for some reason. 

Ruby chuckled twice, with her whole body, and then she froze. 

Then her eyes started watering. Her mouth devolved into an open-mouthed cry and her shoulders twitched, slightly. She hiccuped. 

“W-what's wrong?" Qrow said. He leaned forward.

Ruby sobbed once. "I got some french fries in my nose~" 

Glynda took a moment to process that. "Oh _Ruby."_

Glynda rushed over (which involved mostly scootching along the booth, but it still felt like she was rushing over). She pulled a napkin from the batch that came on her tray and held Ruby's head in one hand and pressed the napkin against Ruby's nose. She instructed her charge to blow, and Ruby did.

Glynda tried not to think about the squishy, mucous covered mush that only had a thin layer of paper away from her fingers  _oh wait too late for that-_

After Ruby gestured that she was good, Glynda got up and threw the napkin away and shuddered, just once, when nobody was looking. When she returned, Ruby was laughing and smiling like nothing had even happened, and Qrow looked mildly miffed. 

Ruby and Yang left the table to look at the play area, just real quick, they promised. That left Qrow and Glynda and James and Penny to gather up the remaining fries and nuggets and the toys, to move to a table overlooking the playpen.

Ruby and Yang had left the happy meal toys alone. One was unwrapped and on the table; the rest were in the happy meal boxes. 

"Well," Glynda said, grabbing the unopened plastic toy by its feet, "If you don't want it, I'll just take it then-"

Qrow grabbed onto the toy's head, "Actually, I was going to give that to a friend of mine, if nobody here wanted it-"

Glynda put on her best smile. "Well, if we're giving it away, I know a charity-"

Qrow smiled as well, "I live closer to the Catholic orphanage, actually-"

Glynda squinted her eyes and widened her lips around a teeth-clenched grin. "I'm sure they get their fair share of donations. The most environmental thing would be to recycle it-"

"Actually," Penny said. She lifted a finger nervously, "If you don't want it, can I have it? 

Glynda relaxed her face. Qrow did the same. they looked at each other for a second, and then they both said, at the same time, some variation of 'Yeah sure.,

They both let go of the toy at the same time. It clattered onto the table. 

Glynda was quicker to pick the toy back up to give to Penny. She smiled, to Penny and Qrow. "Here you go."  Qrow only looked a little annoyed. 

Penny's face lit up. "Thanks!" she made the toy baby horse walk around the table, for three seconds. "Pinkie Pie's my favorite." 

Qrow's face was unreadable. "Oh?" he said, "How come?" 

"She's everything I hope to be." Penny said. 

Glynda also kept her face passive. "How so?" she asked. 

"She doesn't respond in normal ways to social cues, but everyone likes her anyway." Penny nodded. 

Qrow and Glynda blinked at each other.

"Wait," Glynda said, gesturing to the adult man, "So you-"

"I mean, I'm in the periphery demographic-" Qrow smirked, "what's your excuse?

"I- well, I'd always been interested in cartoons," Glynda began-

And then Ruby and Yang came back to grab a few more bites of french fries. 

Glynda and Qrow ended their conversation, but shared nods of begrudging respect. 

 

 

And when the kids were done with their foods, they ran into the play area. Qrow and James and Glynda moved to a table half-populated with chairs overlooking the ball pit and jungle gym and slides.

After Glynda sat down, Ruby ran back and waved to Glynda's attention. Which seemed to be unnecessary, because afterwards Ruby just ran up to jump at Glynda's feet. 

“Glynda Glynda, watch me climb on things!” Ruby pulled on Glynda’s hand.

Glynda opened her mouth. "uhhh," she managed to say. 

Qrow showed up and smiled at Ruby. “I’ll watch you climb on things, Ruby,” he said.

Ruby puffed you her cheek. “You already know I can climb on things. I want Glynda to see~"

Glynda opened her mouth awkwardly. “I have no reason to doubt your ability to climb on top of things." 

“But I want you to see me!” Ruby pulled on Glyndas hand, so that she was 45 degrees from the ground, "C'mon! Please Glynda? Watch me climb on things?"

"Uh," Glynda said. There wasn't really any reason  _not_ to, because she'd just be sitting here and watching Ruby play, but this still seemed kind of strange to her. "Okay. Sure." Glynda flashed an encouraging smile. 

And Ruby wore a smile that reached her ears. She jumped on her toes, twice. "Yay! Okay, I'm going now, watch me, Glynda!" 

 

 

 

The thing maybe Ruby didn't realize was, was that a lot of the plastic tunnels were opaque and a lot of the climbable sections were behind other sections, so Ruby immediately dissapeared from view when she ran into the play area.

Glynda chuckled nervously and looked for something to do in the meantime. Glynda turned to where Penny and Yang were talking. 

"So I was doing some math in my head," Glynda told Yang, "And I don't see why the sum of all real and complex numbers between zero and infinity is zero. Because, like, if you take (2 + 3i)^2, you get (10 + 6i), but (2 - 3i)^2 is (-2 6i), and the sum of those isn't zero." 

Yang paused she closed her mouth and rubbed her chin. Then the pulled out a napkin and one of the half-pencils used to complete the maze on the back of the piece of paper they put on the trays to soak up the food grease. 

"So we've established that the sum of all (x + yi), in which x and y go from negative infinity to positive infinity, is zero. We can call that <Sum1>."

Glynda nodded tentatively. She had the gut-chilling suspicion that she was going to be proven wrong, except this time it was in public and oh shizz Cinder might be watching that'd be the worst thing ever-

"And if you take the sum of all (x+yi)^2, you just have the sum of all (x+yi)*(x+yi), which is just <Sum1>*<Sum1>, which is zero, because <Sum1> is zero, and zero times any sum of numbers is zero." 

Glynda looked to the wall. Her cheeks felt hot. "Okay." She managed to say, weakly. 

Yang laughed maniacally. Penny seemed impressed.

Glynda cleared her throat and breathed again. She turned to Penny. “So if I understand correctly,” Glynda began. She waved the air in front of her .”And let me know if I’m out of bounds but- tou’re,” Glynda gestured towards Penny, “Celebrating your recovery from surgery with,” Glynda gestured to the walls and ceiling and the front counter of the restaurant, “A trip to Mcdonald's.”

Penny smiled. “Yes.”

“I mean,” Glynda began, "I wouldn't think of McDonald's as a celebratory restaurant, you know?"

“Mcdonald's is an international icon," Penny said, "Everyone eats here." 

“That is correct,” Cinder said. She took a seat in the booth, where Ruby had been sitting. She pulled out a cigarette and stuck it into the corner of her mouth.

“Umm,” Penny said, “This is a no-smoking zone-"

“’s not lit,” Cinder tapped the cigarette. “I just gotta have one in my mouth every so often."  

Glynda blinked. She then frowned.

“Cinder, what are you doing here?" Glynda said, not quite keeping the annoyance out of her voice. "Shouldn’t you be flipping burgers or something?" 

“I’m on break.” Cinder waned back and smirked. “It’s normally my smoking break, but I’m giving that up to talk to a beloved classmate.” Cinder smiled insufferably.

Glynda rolled her eyes and scootched away. Luckily, Ruby reappeared just then, at the very top of the play area, so Glynda was spared having to talk to Cinder. 

 

 

_Sankt-Kaiser Ruby Rose surveyed the wreckage of the castle she’d just conquered. She hung with one arm onto a desiccated flagpole, bearing the standard of a newly dead nation._

_“And behold; I am the lord of all I survey." Ruby intoned. She smirked a victory smirk and made victorious gestures with her free arm._

 

 

"Do you see?" Ruby called out, dropping her voice affect, to the tables below her.

"Yes, that's very nice!" Glynda called, trying to keep her voice calm, from the eating areas, "Now please get back down to one of the designated play areas." 

Ruby then got on her stomach and lowered herself on to a safe ledge. She then crawled out of view. 

Glynda released a breath she didn't relive she was holding and stopped leaning forward. 

"Aww, aren't you just the best babysitter." Cinder smirked her insufferable smirk again. 

Glynda's cheeks felt hot. "Knock it off, Cinder."  Glynda turned to talk to Penny again, but apparently Yang had escorted her to the ball pit, at the base of the play structure. And Qrow and James were having some sort of conversation that meant they weren't paying attention to anything else. 

"Hey, don't be like that. I'm complimenting you. I saw what you did when she got french fries in her nose. That was very maternal of you." 

Glynda's cheeks grew hot again. "Oh um. Cool. That's what babysitters are supposed to be, maybe? 

And then there was a loud, raking sound, from a stool being pushed across the linoleum tiles. Ruby had gotten down from the playpen and had retrieved a stool, pushing it to the bench. Because Cinder had stolen her seat; Glynda realized, and she was going to tell Cinder to move except Ruby had finished providing her own sitting apparatus.

Ruby reached up onto the seat of the stool and started pulling herself up. ”So Cinder, was it?” Ruby said. She also said some adorable exertion noises as she bodily pulled herself up on to the stool in what appeared to be the least efficient way possible. But once Ruby reached he top, she leaned forward, with her hands on the stool and her legs kicking off the edges. “You've gone to school with Glynda? Tell me all about what she's like at school." 

Glynda's mouth froze in an open position. Cinder replied immediately, with a chuckle and smile, “Well,” she began, and Glynda’s blood seemed to be doing something funny, “On the first day of high school, Glynders here ate a squillion pancakes at the 'breakfast for lunch' lunch.”

Glynda blushed. Ruby, however, opened her mouth in amazement and clutched her cheeks. “Wow, that’s so many!”

“A squillion's not a real number!” Yang said from ball pit.

Cinder waved the air. “That is correct, my mistake. In actuality, Glynda  only ate literally 3.525732 septacentillion pancakes.”

Cinder smirked. Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side.

“That’s better,” Yang yelled from the ball pit.

Glynda waved the air at Ruby. “It was only like twelve."

“Twelve and a half,” Cinder said. “I remember because Adam, Roman and I all gave you half of one of ours to see how many you'd actually eat. And it turned out to be twelve and a half." 

Glynda continued to correct the story. Ruby gazed between the two of them, enraptured. 

Cinder turned back to Ruby. “And she’s first in our class, ‘cause she’s a nerd.” Cinder said.

“Excuse you,” Glynda said. _"You're,_ like, consistently in the top ten of our class, grade-wise." 

"Well I have to keep my grades up or the Mother Salem's going to drag me back to the Maximum Security Catholic School." 

 

Glynda puffed out her cheek. "And aren't you an officer in, like, the three nerdiest clubs in the school?" 

“Hey, theater’s not nerdy. It’s geeky. Get it right.”

"You know who cares about the distinction between geeks and nerds?" Glynda said, _“Nerds!_ Nerds like _you.“_

Cinder seemed unfazed. “That is a component of but not a necessary factor in one’s status as a nerd.” She shifted the cigarette around her mouth.

"And the wargaming club? That's gotta be the nerdiest thing in the world."

"Hey, there is universal appeal to simulating tactical battles with tiny figurines."

"Wow!" Ruby said, "Glynda and I do those all the time." 

Glynda opened her mouth and closed it. She hadn't looked at it that way.

"Oh? Maybe you should stop by some time," Cinder said to Ruby.

Glynda frowned. "And you can't tell me your music club isn't nerdy." 

"Hey, the Light Music Club has a long, prestigious history of being cool," Cinder said. "Besides, I don't do the quintessential nerdy things like spending all my nights studying physics. Like some _nerds_." 

Glynda blushed slightly. “Hey, I don't spent  _that_ much time studying. I have a life." 

“”Yeah,” Ruby said, “She spends her nights watching cartoons with me!“

Glynda's cheeks grew a little hotter again. Cinder snorted and smirked. “Cartoons? That’s literally the nerdiest thing you can watch, nerd.”

Ruby waved the air. “So we've established that Glynda’s a nerd-"

Glynda frowned. 

"She also wears glasses," Cinder pointed out.

Ruby rubbed her chin. "True, true."

Speaking of which, Glynda's were starting to fog up as her face overheated in embarrassment. 

“But what else?" Ruby said, "Does she have other significant personality traits that you can think of?"

“Glynda hates the guitar," Cinder stated, matter-of-factly.

Ruby looked scandalized. “But guitars are so cool!” She clutched Glynda’s arm and rocked forward and backwards, “Don’t hate the guitar, Glynda! Don’t worry, I’ll change your mind!” Ruby looked around, "As soon as I find a guitar..."

Glynda groaned, outwardly, because she knew what was going to happen next.

"As it so happens," Cinder said, "I happen to have my guitar on me..." Cinder pulled out an acoustic guitar out from behind her. She managed to do that with all sorts of stringed instruments at school. 

"Wow, they let you bring a guitar to work?" 

Cinder tapped her nose. "Only on breaks."  

Ruby managed to crawl behind the guitar. It was bigger than she was. 

"See, Glynda, guitars are cool!" Ruby strummed a C chord. "It's one of the only redeeming qualities about Raven."  

Ruby strummed another C chord. 

Glynda took a few breaths to compose herself. "I don’t hate the guitar,” Glynda said. She patted Ruby’s hand. “Cinder’s just sore because I wouldn’t let her band perform at the VE Day dance.”

Cinder pouted theatrically. “We even learned Russian and everything for it."

“You learned how to sing one song, with incorrect pronunciation.”

"To be fair, it's not like anyone would have noticed."

Ruby played another C chord and then looked to Cinder. "So what else do you know about Glynda?" 

“Well,” Cinder said, “She gets on my case all the time for harmless rule violations." 

“Yeah, such harmless school rule violations like smoking and drinking on campus."

Cinder kept the insufferable smirk that so many people seemed to have lately. "Hey, I only smoke in the parking lot, and I never drink."

“Aren't you catholic?" 

Cinder looked scandalized, her mischievous demeanor dropping for the first time this afternoon. “Wine at communion is optional." 

Glynda leaned back slightly. She'd realized she was probably over the line,  there, and she looked around for a change in subject-

"Is that the only chord you know how to play?" Glynda asked Ruby.

Ruby looked at the ground and reddened. "...yes," she mumbled. 

Cinder laughed. She held out her hands and Ruby returned the guitar. Or, at least, Ruby managed to lift the guitar slightly and tilt it towards Cinder. 

Cinder started playing some sort of swing tune. It was, Glynda would have to admit, not quite the worst thing ever. 

"Wow, Cinder," Ruby said, "You're so cool!"

"No she's not!" Glynda said. She puffed out her cheek. "If you actually ask her what her story is, you'll know she's not cool."

"Okay!"Ruby said, and Glynda regretted her last sentence, "Cinder, what's your story?"

"Well," Cinder said. She shifted the cigarette around her mouth. "I was born in the Max Sec Catholic School, having to serve my parent's debt. The catacombs were bereft of materialistic distractions, so I honed my mind in the pursuit of knowledge, and in the brutal Catholic school playgrounds I learned to fight." 

Ruby clutched her cheeks. "Wow, just like Bane!"  

"If there weren't any materialistic distractions, where'd you learn to play the guitar?" Glynda asked. She was ignored. 

"You- you know who Bane is," Cinder stated. She cleared her throat and ran a hand through her hair, nervously. "I may have to start cribbing more obscure backstories."

"And you say you're not a nerd," Glynda said. 

"Hey, I never said I wasn't a nerd. I just wanted to make sure your conclusions came from proper logic and from the correct observations." 

Ruby waved the air to get Cinder's attention. "So you've spend your childhood learning languages and fighting and stuff?"

"Yes, exactly." Cinder "And with my accumulated knowledges and powers, I began seeking my revenge." 

"Wow!" 

"Ruby, none of that is true," Glynda said, mildly annoyed. "Cinder, like most of the other orphans in the area, was just taken in by the nunnery and raised under their arguably strict schooling system until thier abailable teachers stopped at the end of middle school and she got sent to the public school system."

"That's still super cool!" Ruby said. Glynda frowned. "What were the nuns like?" 

"Old and bitter. I used to think the Mother Superior wanted to destroy the world out of spite." Cinder said. She smirked. "Now I'm sure she does." 

Ruby laughed. Glynda grew more annoyed. 

"Well," Ruby said. She closed her eyes and put a hand on her chest, " _I'm_ the best reader in all the third grades in the school district, and when I'm growed up ima become an engineer and invent fruit and berry combine harvesters. With guns." Ruby opened her eyes and pointed her fingers at things. "Pew pew." 

Glynda was tempted to giggle. Cinder appeared to have been as well, and she gave into the temptation.

"Awww, aren't you just the cutest thing~," Cinder said. She pinched Ruby's cheek. 

Ruby's eyes widened and she flailed, ineffectively. "Ahhh!" she said, unable to escape, "Glynda, save me!" 

And for the second time, Glynda rushed over and scooped Ruby into her arms. Ruby hugged her torso and pouted at Cinder. Glynda glared.

Cinder looked mildly miffed. "Sorry," she said, "Didn't think cheek touching was such a sore subject." 

Ruby rubbed her cheeks. Her eyes were still wet and her face was still a frown. 

"You shouldn't touch other peoples faces just out of the blue," Glynda said, justifyably outraged. 

Cinder then opted to bite her hand, smiling madly. With her other hand, she gestured to the child in Glynda's arms. "But just look at her! She's just too cute." 

Glynda's nose twitched. She turned to her charge, "Ruby,  _I_ think you're cute too." 

Cinder smirked insufferably, again. "Oh? I didn't realize it was a contest." Cinder turned back to Ruby. "In that case, I think you're cute times infinity." 

Both of Glynda's cheeks puffed out, but she refreshed her smile before she turned back to the girl in her arms. "Yeah? Well I think you're cute times the sum of all real and complex numbers between neg- between zero and infinity." 

From the ball pit, Yang gave Glynda an 'a-ok' hand sign. Ruby giggled. 

Cinder raised an eyebrow. "Is that bigger than infinity?" 

"In some systems, yes." 

"Very well, then," Cinder gave a nod to Glynda, "I guess you win the contest." 

"I-It wasn't a contest. I was just stating a fact." 

Ruby laughed and then froze; presumably laughing moved the pinched part of her cheek, because she immediately started rubbing her face. "It's still tingly." 

"Oh, _Ruby."_ Glynda blew on her thumb and rubbed Ruby's cheek with it. In restrospect, she didn't know why she thought blowing on her thumb was important; maybe she got that confused with huffing on her glasses to clean them. 

"Oh, so  _Glynders_ can rub your cheek," Cinder said, pretending to sound hurt. 

"Yeah, it's only family members or babysitters who can touch my face," Ruby explained. 

"Speaking of which," Cinder asked to Glynda, "When did you become a babysitter? I thought you were working for some sort of evil overlord to destroy the world."

Glynda scrunched her mouth to the side. "It was a _robotics_ company. That went under. And since all the other internships were already taken, it was either join Ozpin's ameteur babysitting buisness or become an Elsa impersonator,” she said. 

She was going to add something about it being a rather difficult choice, but then Ruby said something. 

“Well I’m glad you became a babysitter,” Ruby said, “Elsa’s _dumb.”_

And just like that, Glynda’s perfect perfection of Ruby shattered.

Glynda started trying to come up with a way to persuade Ruby out of her wrong opinion, but it turned out, she didn’t have to.

“Excuse you,” Cinder said. Her voice cracked, almost imperceptibly, “Queen Elsa is a cultural icon and an international treasure." 

"Well so was Jefferson Davis, but that doesn't mean _he's_ not dumb."

 "Elsa is the sovereign ruler of her own country."

"You're still listing irrelevant qualifiers. There's lots of bad monarchs."

"FIne, I'll cut to the chase," Cinder puffed out her cheek. "Elsa's the most inspiring, relatable Disney princess in their entire canon."  

"Pfff," Ruby rolled her eyes, "Someone with magic ice powers is relatable, and someone who spent her whole movie running from her problems is inspiring." 

Cinders cheeks reddened. "There's a lot of people who find it hard to love themselves and who feel they will be shunned for their differences, and Elsa's a great role model for them."  

"Well if you want one of those, we already got Magneto, and  _he_ at least takes his responsibility and agency seriously." 

Cinder smirked slightly and tried to change the subject. Ruby wasn't having it. 

"And look at how she treats her own sister!" Ruby waved her hands. "If anyone you love suddenly cut you out of their life and pushed you away everytime you tried to reach out, the healthy thing to do is let the be alone and move on to more healthy relationships."

"It's called filial loyalty-"

"Anna had to bury their parents alone!" Ruby said, "Are we just supposed to ignore that? Because Elsa was too  _sad_ to be a decent human being?" 

Cinder opened and shut her mouth. "That- that is _not_ fair-" She furrowed her brow in thought. 

Ruby took the opportunity to go for the kill shot. "Elsa's only popular because too many people think she's cute and vulnerable." Ruby said. She crossed her arms. "Get a better waifu." 

Cinder made some choking sounds. "Wha- pfff, _nooo_ , that's- that's not- Well, _now_ who's bringing up irrelevant qualifiers?" Cinder's voice hadn't recovered. Her face was reddening even more. 

Glynda must have missed something.

Ruby's expression turned to curiosity. "Wait, is that really the reason you like her?" 

Cinder pouted immensely. She picked her unused cigarette off the floor and threw it into a nearby trashcan. She stood up and brushed her self off. "I rescind what I said about you being cute."

Ruby stuck her tongue out at Cinder. "Well, infinity minus one is still infinity, so nyeah!"

Glynda suppressed a victorious chuckle. Cinder bit her lip, packed away her guitar, and left.

After Cinder dissapeared into the annals of the corporate machine, Glynda exhaled. "I hate her," she said to Ruby. "So much." 

Ruby giggled, and that made Glynda feel bad, somehow. "Nawww, she's pretty cool," Ruby said. She seemed to have already forgoten the shouting match she'd had with a teenager. 

"No she's not!" Glynda frowned. 

Ruby giggled some more. "Okay, she's only a  _little_ cool," Ruby said. 

Glynda puffed out her cheek. "But I'm cooler." 

Ruby giggled and hugged Glynda's head. It was comforting, somehow. "Of course you are." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Qrow was impressed with how well this night had gone. He was lounging on a surprisingly comfy Mcdonald's bench, next to his crush, and he'd managed not to act like he was missing a brain, for most of the evening. 

"I don't think Penny's had this much fun since," James said, "Well, it's just that she usually has the less exciting kind of fun. Puzzles and stuff." 

"Well, if it's any consolation," Qrow leaned back and crossed his legs as best he could to try to give his signature relaxed impression, "Sometimes I wish my nieces would be more into puzzles and stuff." 

Ruby took one last run around the playpen, her hands outstretches besides her, when she wasn't climbing pieces of the playpen that weren't supposed to be climbed.

Penny and Yang were splashing each other in the ball pit. 

Qrow took a breath. "Well," he said, managing to make eye contact, "You think they'd like to do this again sometime? Like next week? Maybe they'll have the green shakes restocked."

"I think they'd like that." James smiled at Qrow, slightly. "I know I would."

Qrow blinked a couple times. "Well, then it's a date." Qrow managed to say. He immediately had doubts about himself. 

James smiled a little more and nodded. "Yes." 

Qrow blinked. The he made an excuse to meet up with Ruby and Yang and stop holding in his excitement. For perhaps the first time that evening, he could keep up with his nieces energy.

Then Glynda came to check on them, and Qrow coughed and re-comported himself. 

 

 

 

  
Qrow asked Glynda and Yang if he could have a moment with Ruby. The two blondes agreed, Glynda somewhat reluctantly, and Yang led the babysitter away.  
   
"Um. Ruby, can I ask you something?" Qrow said solemnly. He pulled out the last pack of french fries and threw one into his mouth to procrastinate. He inhaled and exhaled and refreshed his chill. He was an adult. He could just ask Ruby, cut through all the guessing and testing and he could stop obsessing about it. 

After Qrow finished his fry, he managed to look his step-niece in the eyes. "Ruby, do you like Glynda more than me?" 

Ruby paused for a moment, and then looked mortified. "What?" Ruby said. She then looked contemplative.  "Was that why you've been acting so weird all afternoon?" 

Qrow scrunched his mouth to the side. "...maybe." 

Ruby hugged his legs. "You'll always be my bestest uncle, Qrow."  Qrow made to kneel down, and Ruby released her arms so they could hug for reals.

After they stopped hugging, Qrow took a seat on the bench.

"I don't know what it was," Qrow said, "You guys are my family, and I guess I liked being a mentor." 

"And you still are! I still like engineering and agriculture!" Ruby said, "But I like Glynda in a different way." Ruby took a sip from her soda. "You're my mentor and my inspiration, yeah?" 

Ruby reached her hands out to Qrow's fries. Qrow plucked the fry Ruby was about to take. Ruby puffed out her cheek for half a second and said "And maybe you're also a big jerk," before she took a different fry. Qrow smirked. 

"As for Glynda," Ruby said. She swallowed her fry. "In seven and a half years I'm going to ask her to marry me."

And then it was Qrow's turn to get some french fries stuck in his nose. 

"Mr. Branwen," James said. He held out a handful of napkins. "Um. Yes."

"T-thanks," Qrow said. He took the napkins and fixed his nose. 

 

 

 

 

And then James and Penny had to leave, so Yang went to say goodbye to Penny, and Glynda and Ruby stood by awkwardly, trying to ignore the pouty glares from Cinder, who had returned to being a (slightly less composed, compared to before her cigarette break) food corporation stooge. 

And Ruby and Yang downed the five remaining french fries. They threw away their wrappers and returned their trays and left to the parking lot. 

Qrow drove them back to the house. 

"Well," Qrow said, "That took a little longer than I thought, so I think I'll head home now."

Yang turned to her uncle. "You don't want to stay and watch cartoons with us?" Ruby shot her a dirty look.

Qrow waved the air. "Naw, I think I'm good."

Ruby and Yang said their goodbyes.  

After they did, Qrow held his hand out to Glynda, looking the sitter straight in the eyes, his expression completely serious. "Take care of them, will ya?

Glynda blinked. She took the hand. "Yes, of course." 

And then Qrow left. 

"Hey, Ruby," Glynda said.

"Yeah?"

"Why did the pirate chicken cross the ocean?"

"Why?"

"To get to the other tide."

Ruby blinked. She didn't say anything. She didn't laugh.

Glynda blushed. "W-well, let's go watch cartoons, then." 

 

 

 

 

OMAKE 1: 

 

During the evening lull in fast food traffic, the manager of the 24 Hour McDonald's on 5th and Main took her last break before midnight. 

She ducked into a stall and let every mask she wore fall away. 

Cinder pulled out her phone and flashed a smile, gentle and desperate, at her screensaver, a picture of a pale, blonde woman with icy blue eyes that matched her dress and a confident smile on her face.

"Don't worry, my snowflake," Cinder smooched the screen of her phone and unlocked her phone, swiping along the cheek of picture of the woman, "I'll always love you." 

 

 

 

OMAKE 2: 

 

Qrow held the phone away from his head and grimaced. Summer's voice was scary even over the phone. " **YOU TOOK THE KIDS TO MCDONALDS!?!? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW UNHEALTHY THE FOOD THERE IS!?** " 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, all of you. <3.


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